Isn’t It Smarter to Live Together Before We Marry So We Know If We Are Compatible?

This is a common question. It puzzles me. What is it that might be incompatible? If your personalities are incompatible, you need to get to know each other better, not move in. Are you wondering if you are physically compatible? Unless one of you is a guppy and the other an elephant, physical incompatibilities should not be an issue. The mechanics of intimacy are relatively straight-forward.

The root of this question usually comes from previous sexual experiences. If you dated multiple people and were intimately involved with them, you have learned that some individuals are less servant orientated in their love making than others.

You are wondering if intimacy with your potential mate will provide greater sexual fulfillment than previous sexual experiences you enjoyed. Many consider marriage similar to purchasing a car. Since you wouldn’t purchase a car without taking it for a test drive, and marriage is a bigger commitment than a car purchase, it only appears logical to try-before-you-buy and make sure you are satisfied with your purchase.

This type of reasoning is flawed. First, it looks at our sexuality as a source of self-fulfillment rather than a unique way to serve someone we love. According to 1 Corinthians 7, our sexuality is a unique way we can serve our spouse. When we are married, we relinquish the right to our own body. We commit to growing in our ability to serve and love our mate.

While not everyone is naturally as servant orientated as others, marriage is the commitment to become better at serving the needs of our mate before serving our own needs. It is when a couple pursues this commitment that, over time, the most satisfying levels of marital intimacy are achieved.

In addition, Jesus said “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” There is greater fulfillment in sexually serving your spouse than sexually serving yourself. Christians do not marry to be satisfied as much as they marry to provide comfort, satisfaction and fulfillment to someone they love.

In addition, the try-before-you-buy approach to marriage is statistically a losers game. U.S. News & World Report published the results of the most authoritative study ever conducted on the sexual habits of our nation. The survey was jointly conducted by the University of New York Stony Brook and the University of Chicago. The results were clear. Married women experience much higher levels of sexual satisfaction than women cohabitating with a man (75% to 62%). In addition, those with no previous experience before their wedding night reported the highest levels of sexual satisfaction in the survey!

Living together before marriage is known as fornication or sexual immorality in the Bible. God’s Word clearly speaks against it (1 Corinthians 5:11-13; Ephesians 5:5-6; Hebrews 12:16-17; Hebrews 13:4; Revelation 21:8; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8). Living together is not just statistically unwise, it is biblically sinful.