This is a great question. When a daughter is dating, parents are always concerned her boyfriend will not treat her with respect and purity. Parents are not only concerned their daughter could lose her virginity, they are concerned she will conceive a child out of wed-lock.

In one respect, this question is moot. In Iowa, there is no informed consent needed by parents for their daughter to use birth control. http://www.contracept.org/minorsaccess.php Parents do not “put their child on birth control.” Technically a girl puts herself on it.

While parents are not legally in control of this decision, they still have influence over their daughter. In answering this question, I am assuming the daughter is still in the home and under parental supervision. If that is true, I would encourage parents not to allow their daughter on birth control pills while she is dating. That gives her a green light for intimacy.

Instead, I would encourage parents to take a more proactive approach. Explain the importance of her maintaining her virginity. Talk to her boyfriend very directly in this area. Do not allow her to spend unsupervised time with him. Encourage group dates and time together at you group. Invite him over your home to get to know him.

If you sense you can not trust him, forbid him from seeing your daughter. If she proves untrustworthy and pursues the relationship, don’t capitulate to her rebellious pressure. Put your foot down. Take a high level of involvement in your daughter’s life. If this is not well received, you may need to keep her home and begin home schooling. Be prepared to take drastic measures. Most parents sin by their passivity toward’s a child’s rebellion, not too much involvement in their child’s life.

She may not like your tough love now, but she will appreciate it in the future.

Many parents are not comfortable with a stronger approach to parenting when their children are in rebellion. The cultural pressure encourages parents to hide their heads in the sand and hope a child makes it through. I see that as parents ignoring their God given responsibility.

A great example of proactive parenting is the story of Cassie Bernell. She was one of the students gunned down at the Columbine High School shooting. She became involved in the wrong crowd. Rather than her parents ignoring her rebellion, they became more involved in her life. For a period of time, they kept her home. They even cut the phone lines! That period of rebellion came to an end when she trusted Christ as her savior while attending a church camp at YMCA of the Rockies. She transformed into a beacon for Christ in her school. She was ultimately gunned down because of it.

If you have a child in rebellion, I encourage you to read her short, but amazing, story. She Said Yes: The Unlikely Martydom of Cassie Bernall by Misty Bernall