There are a number of reasons why marital sex may not be enjoyable:

1. Female discomfort from vaginal dryness.
2. Female tenseness/fears
3. Nonoxynol-9 is a spermicide that can cause infections in women and is common in barrier methods of birth control.
4. Adultery, actual or mental (pornography)
5. A lack of intimacy apart from sex
6. Male grooming
7. Previous sexual abuse (get help)
8. Previous promiscuity
9. A silent wife
10. An impatient husband
11. Women who nag their husband, flirt with other men, or are otherwise a cancer like those mentioned in Proverbs
12. Harsh husbands (1 Peter 3:7)
13. Feeling used because you are not being enjoyed/tended to outside of the bedroom.

To overcome these and other issues it is important to lovingly and graciously discuss them with your spouse. It is important to make the changes necessary and not settle for anything less than what God has designed for satisfying marital intimacy. Be willing to confess if you are corrected. Don’t just point fingers. Both people need to own their own sin.

(This explanation is also presented by Mark Driscoll in his series Peasant Princess.)