How Do We Raise Our Children In A World Gone Woke?
Parenting in the modern world is hard. It requires a bigger house, a bigger car, and saving for a college education. Parents are a taxi service driving children to sports, band, and play practices. Everyone is looking for guidance on how to raise children well in our woke culture.
The apostle Paul, writing to Christians in the progressive city of Ephesus, gave them two directives to guide them on how to raise their children in that liberal city. They are found in Ephesians 6:4. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” He gives parents one thing they must not do, which is to provoke their children to anger. He also gives them one thing they must do, which is to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. These two timeless objectives provide us with parental guidance for today.
What does it mean to not provoke our children to anger? In the first century, this referred to the power of the Roman father. Roman fathers had the power of life and death over their children. They could chain their children and make them work in the fields. They could sell disobedient children into slavery. Terror was the way Roman fathers kept their children in check. Roman children feared their fathers to avoid a beating. Paul tells us that Christian fathers are to be different. They should be known for how they love their children, not how they keep them in line with harsh punishment. This doesn’t mean Christian parents should not discipline their children. In the second part of this verse, Paul directs parents to discipline their children in the Lord. Not provoking children to anger means Christian fathers should be known for the love they have for their family, not the level of fear they incite.
While most fathers today are not known for the harsh way they treat their children, we can still provoke our children to anger. Here are ten ways we can provoke our children to anger today.
- Spoil Our Children. Giving our children anything they want whenever they want provokes them to anger. It ruins their character. It doesn’t teach them delayed gratification. It tricks them into thinking possessions create happiness.
- Nagging instead of disciplining. Nagging children means we keep reminding them of their sins and past failures. We bring up their sins as little jabs to demean them. The Bible wants us to discipline our children, then move on. Constantly reminding children of their failures crushes their spirit and provokes them to anger because they don’t experience forgiveness.
- Criticizing our spouse in front of the children. Berating our spouse or ex-spouse in front of our children teaches them to disrespect the other parent. If we speak poorly of our spouse when our children are present, it teaches our children to speak disrespectfully to their parents. Even worse is how it teaches our children to speak disrespectfully about their future spouse when they repeat what they saw modeled at home.
- Doing everything for our children instead of giving them chores. When mom and dad do everything around the house, and children are not expected to contribute to the operation of the home, this raises lazy, selfish children. It is a disservice to children when we let them constantly play video games while mom and dad take care of all the work.
- When your children throw a temper tantrum, give in. Repeatedly giving in to temper tantrums teaches children that if they yell and scream loud enough and long enough, they can get their parents to do anything they want. Life doesn’t work that way. Children need to learn that they are not in charge. Mom and dad are in charge. They have to submit to parental leadership. If they don’t learn this, it will provoke them to anger in the future.
- Criticizing people at home. If we walk around the house constantly criticizing politicians, coaches, neighbors, and our mailman, we will teach our children to have a critical spirit toward others. Instead of learning to speak positively and build others up, they will learn to speak negatively and constantly tear others down. We can, and should, discuss politics, belief systems, and values with our children. However, we must do it in a constructive way that teaches them to love their neighbor even if they don’t agree with their neighbor.
- Praising our children for their looks instead of their character. This is especially important for women. Young women face enormous pressure over their looks. We must teach them that their character is of far greater importance.
- Showing favoritism. Showing favoritism of one child over another will lead to deep wounds. If one child feels you love other children more, they will become bitter. This provokes their anger.
- Neglecting time with our children. If we never make time for our children to build good memories, we will frustrate them. In the Bible, Absalom is a good example of a neglected child provoked to anger. King David was so busy reigning as king, he never made time for his son Absalom. Absalom became bitter towards his father. He attempted a coup to murder his father. Things might have gone differently if David spent more time with Absalom when he was young.
- Speaking hurtful words to our children. Many of us were told that sticks and stones can break our bones, but words will never hurt us. That is not true. Parents’ hurtful words can screw themselves deep into a child’s psyche. Those words constantly echo in a child’s mind when they are adults. Phrases like, “You are so stupid.” “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” are not easily forgotten.
We are to tell them that the Bible contains the truth about life in a world filled with lies and deception. When they trust in Jesus and commit themselves to following Jesus, God will not only forgive them, but the Holy Spirit will take up residence in their life, convicting them of sin and guiding them into truth in a confusing world.
If, as parents, we can remember to focus on loving our children and not provoking them to anger and bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, we will raise our children well.
(Written for the Dickinson County News January 13, 2023)
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